Never Settle, Ever!

I don’t mean to brag ladies (ok, maybe just a little), but look at this handsome man right here. He’s my husband!

I want to share a little bit of our story with you…

We got married when I was 36 years old. THIRTY-SIX!!!
This blog is all about NOT SETTLING. It’s a long one, but if you need to hear this right now, this one’s for you…

I feel that many people think they have to follow some mythical timeline and have everything figured out and settle down much younger than 36. Start poppin’ out beh-behs and live the ‘dream’ so life can begin.

I want to say SCREW THAT!!!

I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I would not have appreciated, or even DATED, my husband (Eric) if I had met him ten years earlier. Girl! Let me tell you what I was like in my 20s.
I was a free spirit and a wild one. I did what I wanted, when I wanted (Ok, I still do). I dated. A LOT! I went for the wild, crazy, fun, bad asses who I never in a million years would have considered having children with. Yeah! THAT type. They were a lot of fun, but that’s about it. I wasn’t ready for anything more than that. I had a LOT of work to do on myself. I had to learn and grow so I wasn’t looking to settle down, I was figuring out who I was. I couldn’t figure out who I wanted to be with if I didn’t know who I was first.

I spent over a decade going where the wind blew me. I had a lot of fun and there is MANY a story to tell, but I was also figuring out who I was, who I wanted to be and what I wanted my life to look like. I was also struggling internally with many things. I was not ready for Eric.

Eric and I met five years before we started dating. We became friends while I was living in West Virginia for school. And I do mean FRIENDS, just friends. During that time he had a front row seat to my insane life – my divorce; random guys I dated (none of whom he approved of, but I thought it was funny just how random these dudes were. Hey, they were fun!); massive drama with my family; my intense therapy to help me through a deep depression; my graduation from university; my moving back to Florida.
I was pretty much a super productive train wreck!

It was not long after moving back to Florida that I painted a mental picture in my head of what I wanted my life to look and feel like. It was just one scene that played over and over again. In this scene were me, my husband and children (just faceless images) and we were all dancing to music and laughing in our kitchen and were perfectly happy in the joy and simplicity of that moment. This vision became my guiding beacon in all my decisions for a few years. I dated some great guys during this time, but after a while of really getting to know them I would know that they were not the man in my vision. They could never bring the feelings I felt in my vision. So I would move on without regret, knowing that there was someone else who would be that right person and that I was growing towards him, and him towards me. I just KNEW this in my heart.

Two years after I moved back to Florida Eric’s best friend was getting married in my city and he flew down for it, we hung out most of the weekend. That’s when we did it, we HUGGED!!

I call it our ‘Huggiversary’ – June 16th2010. Lol.

I’m pretty sure we had hugged before, probably hundreds of times over the 5 years we were friends, but none that I recall. This HUG was THE hug…We went to hug goodnight, and it started out like any other hug. But after a few seconds, after that standard amount of time one would hug before detaching from one another….. we didn’t let go. We just kept hugging for a weirdly long amount of time as far as hugs go. My mind raced, “Why isn’t he letting go?…. Why aren’t I letting go?” Followed by a ridiculously UN-smooth separation from said hug and a weird ‘Ok, good night. Bye.” And that was it.

What the heck was that about? Ummmmmmmmm?!?!?!??!

Eric acted like a total dweeb the next day, basically not looking at me or talking to me even though we hung out most of the day.

He went back to West Virginia a day later and the hug was not discussed. We chatted on the phone, maybe, 6 times over the next 6 ½ months. I kept dating a few randos here in Florida and was living my (still quite insane) life.

Then, I went to visit West Virginia for New Years that year… And that was IT!

I went to see all my friends but spent most of the visit with Eric. We both KNEW that weekend.

If you ask any couple who has been happily married for any length of time how they ‘knew’ their significant other was ‘THE ONE’ they will all say the same thing, “You just KNOW.” And, before Eric I thought that was a bull shit answer and was DUMB! But then it happened to me. And that answer didn’t seem dumb anymore. It was MY answer now too.
It was like, “It’s Eric. OF COURSE it’s Eric. It’s ALWAYS been Eric, since the beginning of time it’s been Eric. I see that now.”

A little less than two years later we had our first child. Eric wanted to get married first, but I told him, “I am 35 years old. I have my whole life to get married but only a little more time to pop out babies. So, let’s get busy buddy!!!” Pretty much verbatim. Lol.
And a year after Finn was born we got married.

So, what is the point of this blog?

Don’t settle for anything in life, EVER.
Don’t settle for a life partner who doesn’t feel like HOME to you.
Don’t settle for a job or career that you dread waking up to each day.
Don’t settle for friends who do anything less than lift you up and support you in all you do.
Don’t settle for anything less than the dream you have for your one and only go around in this life.
Don’t let social or family pressures rush you to make decisions that don’t feel 100% right for you.
Life is NOW! It is not something that starts once you check off all the boxes on a list of things you must do before turning 30, or 40, or 50.
Take however much time you need to get yourself sorted out before making huge decisions.

I was 33 when I started dating my husband. 35 when I had my first child. Married at 36. And popped out two more kids by the time I was 41. It was my time at exactly the right time.

If you’re still waiting for your dream hang in there sister. Have faith and keep developing yourself to be ready for that right person, job, friend, opportunity. It’s on its way. I guarantee it.

Never settle! I didn’t and look what happened 🙂


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yes i'm ready!